Where I Found You (Heart's Compass Book 1) Page 8

  The tears well up in my eyes, the truth behind the proclamation hitting me.

  “Oh, honey,” Kinsley says, setting her glass and the bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table. She slides down the couch, wrapping her arms around me. As soon as her arms are around me, I rest my head against her shoulder and let the tears stream down my face.

  “I know Callum feels the same way about you, babe. Wes told me he was a mess the last time he saw him. He really is a good guy, and you can trust him. I know it may not be easy but you can. I hope you know how much we all care about you. Callum, Grandpa, Halle, hell, even Kolton. He can be a little bit of a jerk sometimes, but in some messed up way he wouldn’t act that way if he didn’t. You aren’t alone, Ellie. You have people here who love you.”

  Leaning back, I look at Kinsley and I can see the emotion on her face. “Don’t cry or you’ll have me in tears. We are too pretty for that.” She smiles, running her thumbs under my eyes, wiping away the tears.

  “I think I do,” I say, answering her earlier question. “That’s why I’m scared. I am just afraid if I let myself care about people - you, Callum, anyone - that it could all be taken away from me.” Kinsley’s hand is still pressed to my shoulder, rubbing it reassuringly, urging me on.

  Letting out a deep breath, I work up the courage to tell her everything.

  “Alcohol symbolizes everything in my life that has gone wrong from day one. It’s why I don’t drink. My father had just graduated from the Police Academy when he and my mom found out they were pregnant with me. My dad told her he wanted to take care of her, of us, and not even two months later, they were married.”

  “He loved her more than anything. There are little things about him I remember. Like how he would always dance with us in the kitchen or twirl her hair while she curled up into his side on the couch. It was two days after my ninth birthday when a drunk driver killed him. He had left work early because I had gotten sick and was in a rush to get home. The driver had crossed the median and hit him head-on when he was driving home from his shift. My mom was never the same after his death. It’s ironic you know, that alcohol played a role in my father’s death, and it’s the same reason why I haven’t spoken to her in almost eight years.”

  I can see the confusion on Kinsley’s face as if she is trying to piece together where I’m going with this. I don’t think she can because no sane person could make up this level of screwed up.

  “I have almost begun to forget what she was like before the alcohol. In the back of my mind, I would tell myself she was hurt, heartbroken, and that she was using it to numb the pain. It was like she was a different person, though. Eventually, she started dating, bringing around a new guy in what felt like every couple of weeks. Most of her boyfriends weren’t too bad; I mean they left me alone, and that’s all I could ask for. She had started drinking after he passed, but it wasn’t until she began dating Royal that it escalated. The drinking, the fighting. It was all just a recipe for disaster really.”

  I don’t know if Kinsley is expecting what’s next, and I don’t want to see the look of disgust or pity on her face. It’s the same look that led me to leave Garwood and the whispers of the past I carried with me.

  “First it started out as groping over my clothes, either when my mom was passed out or when she went to the store. When she lost her job, she was home more, and I think he felt like it was harder for him to be alone with me. He started coming into my room in the middle of the night. There were times where I would wake up to him touching me, and then there were times where I knew he came in and I never even woke up,” I say. The tears are back, flowing freely down my face. Wrapping my hand around my necklace, I close my eyes just as the sob escapes me.

  “Jesus,” Kinsley whispers, wrapping her arms around me once again. “I’m so sorry, Ellie. I had no idea you had been carrying all of this with you.” Her voice quivers as if she is fighting off tears of her own.

  It hasn’t been a secret, what happened to me, for a long time. That’s what happens when you live in a small town. Secrets don’t last long. Kinsley is the only person I’ve trusted opening myself up to besides Grams.

  “It continued to happen for about two years before I worked up the courage to tell Grams. At first, I started going over to her house more often, just to get away from him. One day, I walked to her house after school and asked if I could stay at her house for the night. I remember the look on her face; I hadn’t spent the night at her house since I was little. I just knew I couldn’t do it; I couldn’t go back there. So, I told her everything.”

  “He always told me no one would believe me and that my mother would leave, choose him. After so long, I believed him. Come to think of it, he wasn’t lying. She blamed me for everything. She said I was lying about the abuse and said it was my fault my dad had been driving on that road when he was hit.”

  I can hear the hitch in her voice hearing the rest of it, although she tries to cover it up and be strong for me. As much as I’ve always hated the way people have shown pity over me, I know with Kinsley it’s different. The emotions she’s feeling come from a place of sadness for me, and I feel it as she envelops me in her arms.

  “Ellie, you are one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. I hope you know none of this is your fault, none of it! I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through, for what you’ve had to deal with on your own. Not anymore, though,” she says, the words hold so much emotion and conviction as tears well up in her eyes. I can feel the power behind them. “I meant what I said earlier. We all love you and are here for you. This is your home now. You are not alone. Not anymore.”

  Nodding my head, I give her a sad smile as her arms wrap around me once again. I let the feel of her words and the warmth of her hug soak in, and for the first time in a long time, I let myself believe them.

  Pulling my truck into the parking space at Champions, I shift it into park and quickly check my phone. I don’t know why I bother at this point. Ellie doesn’t even have a phone, which leaves little opportunity to contact me. I guess I just hoped after leaving the flowers at her door, she would find a way to reach out.

  Waking up this morning, the frustration I had been feeling was gone and all I was left with was sadness and longing. I crave the way she looked at me the night of the bonfire. Her eyes full of desire lit a spark in me; it shined bright as if I saw every thought and emotion pass over her face. Having her body molded so perfectly against mine felt as if she was made for me. I ache for her, to feel her sweet lips against mine.

  I know I sound like a pussy but damn. This girl has fucked with my head.

  It’s time to move on, Callum.

  The urge to throw back a couple of beers is strong. On top of everything going on with Ellie, the stress at work also has the tension running high. We’ve had another possible job come through, which we desperately need. If we get it, it could be one of the biggest jobs we’ve taken on since I started working alongside Randy. Over the last few days, I’ve done nothing but focus on finalizing the bid proposal. Now it’s just the waiting game, leaving me with even more bullshit weighing on my mind.

  Sliding out of my truck, I slip my phone in my pocket as I slam the door shut behind me. I can feel the sweat forming as I move toward the front of the Sports Bar. While it’s a bit of a drive, especially when we want to have a few beers, the atmosphere is perfect for watching a game or the fights with the guys.

  “Hey there,” the hostess drawls, smiling sweetly up at me. The bright green eyes peering up at me combined with the long golden blond hair that falls down her back immediately remind me of Ellie.

  “Just you?” she asks, looking over my shoulder checking to see if I’m alone. I don’t miss the hopeful look that passes over her face when she finds I am.

  Not even allowing my mind to entertain any thoughts of hooking up with her, I search out my friends in the crowded bar.

  “I’m meeting some buddies here to catch the fights,” I say, pointing toward the
back corner where they are sitting looking over at me. Brannon is waving his hands in the air like he’s an Aircraft Marshall, while Wes, Levi, and Spencer shake their heads at his antics. I make my way through the packed bar stopping to get a beer on the way. By the looks of the empty beer bottles sitting near the middle of the table with half eaten wings, I’d say I’m a little late to the party.

  “There he is! I thought we’d be at least three beers in before Callum decided to finish styling his hair and show up,” Levi chides.

  Flipping him off, I pull out my chair, taking a long pull from my beer, feeling the tension in my shoulders ease. Wes and Spencer are discussing a dirt bike Wes is going to look at tomorrow as we wait for the fights to start.

  “I meant to tell you, I should be getting a shipment in early next week. The part you ordered is supposed to be with it. I’ll bring it to your house after work,” Wes offers. He has been helping me with rebuilding the engine on my bike.

  Looking over his shoulder, I notice Kinsley approaching with a finger over her mouth, signaling for me to be quiet. As soon as she is standing behind Wes, she leans forward, wrapping her arms around his neck. I can’t help but laugh as his eyes widen in surprise. He moves to turn just as Kinsley leans in close whispering something in his ear. Grabbing her arms, he turns, pulling her into his lap. Whatever was said was meant only for his ears.

  While Wes was always a wild one growing up, taking risks for the thrill of the adrenaline rush, Kinsley always seemed to keep him grounded and level-headed. While she has put up with a lot from him, their relationship has seen its fair share of ups and downs; I can’t help but envy the love they have for each other.

  Leaving them to their moment, I turn my attention to the TV when Halle approaches with a beer in her hand.

  “Alright, boys,” Halle says, setting her beer down on the table, clapping her hands together as if she is stepping up to the plate ready to lay down a challenge. “Who has placed their bets? I want in on this,” she declares.

  “You’re going down, firecracker,” I say, smirking at her. “I hope you brought a box of tissues with you; this may not end well.”

  “Don’t you wish, Callum!” Halle says, smiling as she rounds the set of tables to where I’m seated. She has a little sway in her hips that has me shaking my head, leaning back crossing my arms.

  “Hey, sugar,” she says sweetly, leaning down to give me a hug and places a kiss on my cheek.

  “Hey, sweetheart, what are you girls up to? Causing trouble, I see,” I say, shaking my head at her grin.

  “I’m here to get my money from you handsome gentlemen and scoping out the guys here. These fights bring out the alpha in you men,” she replies, tapping her finger against her chin as she looks around the room, surveying all the possibilities.

  “If you’re trying to find yourself a man, darlin’, I have all the man you need right here,” Spencer says, grabbing his junk as he starts making a thrusting movement, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

  Halle moves to stand behind him, patting Spencer on his chest and laughs. “We both know you wouldn’t know what to do with me, honey, or that. Good try, though.”

  Taking a drink from my beer, I slam the bottle down on the table trying not to choke. Damn it, woman.

  “See, look what you did. Even your friend here can’t believe the shit you’re spewing. You alright, Callum?” Halle asks, rubbing her hand over my shoulder like she’s concerned for my well-being. Coughing again, I try to clear my throat forcing a breath. It doesn’t help because just as I look up, my whole body tenses at just the sight of her standing there in front of me.

  She looks beautiful, and it’s as if the wind is knocked right out of me. Her hair is curled in soft waves pulled up in a high ponytail that drapes over her shoulder, and she is dressed in a light green t-shirt, bringing out her eyes.

  Her skin and features are soft, but if I weren’t paying close attention, I would’ve missed it. The hint of sadness I saw the other day at Hudson’s is still there beneath the surface. Once again, she has me questioning how I could consider giving up on her so easily.

  Sliding into the seat directly across from me, she doesn’t make eye contact, instead focuses intently on the screen mounted above me. The strap of her handbag is draped across her chest, and her knuckles are turning white as she wraps her hand around it tightly.

  My mouth feels dry just seeing her sitting before me. Taking a long swig from my beer, I slam the bottle down and continue to focus my stare on Ellie. I feel like I’ve thought about this moment all week, what I would do if I saw her again. What I would say if I had the chance to talk to her. Now that she is sitting in front of me, I just let my gaze drift over her, taking her in. She looks as breathtaking as I remembered her to be.

  “I don’t think I’ll be staying here all night. I have a sex date with Canada,” Halle says, nonchalantly, breaking through my thoughts. Ellie, still focusing on the TV, bites her lip to hide her laughter but it doesn’t work. The sound hits me right in the chest as I fight back a grin of my own.

  “The hell did you just say?” Levi laughs, the movement causing his whole body to shake. I swear to God this woman.

  “Casey,” Kinsley says, turning away from Wes. “How many times do I have to tell you his name is Casey!” Turning her attention back to Brannon and Levi, she continues. “Just ignore her. She gets off on calling him that like she is making some sort of oath of allegiance to his cock.”

  Brannon and Levi both try to disguise their look of shock, choking out a laugh, as Halle rolls her eyes. Her phone beeps with an incoming text, drawing her attention away from the conversation to the messages on her screen.

  Drinking back the rest of my beer, I push my chair back from the table heading toward the bar to order a second one, asking the group if I can get them anything. Brannon and Levi shake their head no, Kinsley and Wes are in their own little world as Halle is still focusing on her phone, furiously typing out a response. Ellie, however, continues to look everywhere but at me.

  “You want something to drink, sweetheart?” I ask as Ellie pushes her chair back from the table as well, standing up.

  “No, it’s okay. Thank you, though, I just need to use the restroom.” She flashes me a small smile.

  I nod as I turn away from her, making my way over to the bar. I can’t help the feeling of frustration and disappointment. Since I met Ellie, she has kept me at arm’s length at almost every turn. Reminding myself of what I was saying when I first got here, that it’s time for me to let it go and move on. I just wish I knew what changed and why.

  Paying for my beer, I quickly deposit it on the table with the guys before making my way over to the bathroom. I know the only way I can talk to Ellie is if I’m able to catch her alone. I just need to know what I did to change her mind so quickly.

  Walking down the narrow hallway leading toward the restrooms, I lean against the wall and decide to wait her out. She could refuse to talk to me, but on the off chance she will stay and give me some answers, I’m willing to take the risk and try.

  It isn’t long before the bathroom door swings open and she walks out. She doesn’t see me standing here, as I grab her by the waist and usher her into the corner away from anyone passing by. The lights are dim, but I’m still able to make out her face.

  “Jesus, Callum, you scared me.” She grumbles, placing her right hand against her chest as she struggles to breathe.

  “Sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to catch you off guard.”

  Like a magnet, I feel like I’m pulled to her. Having her near me in such small quarters, I can feel the electricity between us. The current is so strong and from the look in her eyes, I know she feels it, too.

  My right hand is still on her hip as I draw her closer to me. I know I shouldn’t, but this may be my only opportunity to get her in a quiet place where she can’t run. I just need a minute of her time, a chance to talk to her.

  “I am sorry,” I say, letting out a deep sigh. L
ooking up at the ceiling, I struggle to collect my thoughts before I look back down meeting her eyes. “I just wanted to talk to you; I needed to make sure you were okay. I have been trying to get in touch with you, but it seems like any time I get a chance, you avoid me.”

  Placing my left hand on the side of her face and neck, I move my thumb below her chin, angling her face back up to meet mine.

  “Ellie, will you talk to me? Will you tell me what changed after the bonfire?” I ask, searching her eyes for a sign of the answers I know I may never get. The look of sadness is still there even though she tries to hide it. Rubbing my thumb along her cheek, I take in the feel of her soft skin beneath mine and the steady pulse of her heartbeat. Having her this close to me again has my heart beating out of control just waiting for her to respond.

  “It’s just… I just can’t, Callum. I’m sorry, I just can’t,” she whispers. Moving my hands away from her, I take a step back giving her space. The loss of the connection is like a shock to my system, and as soon as it breaks, I feel empty, like something is missing.

  “You can’t what? Huh, what can’t you do?” I say, running my hand through my hair, pulling on the ends in frustration.

  “You can’t talk to me? You can’t see me now?”

  My tone is harsh; the frustration is evident in my voice. The look of hurt on her face confirms that she didn’t expect this kind of response from me. What did she expect? I’ve tried talking to her several times over the past week and what do I get?

  Nothing! She gives me absolutely nothing.

  “I just didn’t come here expecting this. I didn’t expect to ever meet you, to run into you at the bus station, or see you again in the bar. I didn’t expect for this to happen when I moved here. I can’t get involved with anyone, Callum.” The way she says it, there is a hint of frustration, but it’s not directed toward me. It’s almost as if she is frustrated with herself.